Nothing to Fear

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again

-Paul Simon

I have always found it ironic that a song titled, The Sound of Silence, would begin with darkness. That is until...

About a week after returning from vacation, I began feeling icky. What began as a tickle in my throat and a light cough quickly grew to a sore throat and low fever.

The Covid test was negative and I didn't feel bad enough for the flu. Some unknown virus had invaded my body with headache, sinus pressure and dental pain. By the end of the week, both of my ears were plugged and I was experiencing significant hearing loss.

First one ear closed up, then the other to the point that talking to others became difficult. I had to move closer and face the person speaking as I attempted to read their lips along with what little I could hear. If you called my name from behind me, I apologize if I continued walking away. It was not personal, I just couldn't hear your voice.

I bring this up because last Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent. This year we are looking for A Light in the Darkness and Sunday's message from Pastor Brian was how we can Embrace the Darkness and our fears of the unknown.

This whole experience has taught me that not being able to see is just one kind of darkness. The last three weeks with one of my senses diminished has left me feeling left out, uncomfortable in crowds, sometimes confused, and even a little sad. However, in that dark space, where most of what I can hear is the hiss of tinitis or my own voice echoing when I speak, I feel a presence. There have been moments when that presence is so clear to me that I must stop what I am doing and pay attention.

Am I hearing a voice? No. Are there words to what I am experiencing? Not exactly. What I am feeling is that I am not alone. Sitting in that kind of silence is like being with a best friend.  You know the ones you are comfortable enough to sit quietly with. We don't always speak. We just are.

Isn't God like that? Sunday's scripture talked about Christ's return. But as Pastor Brian pointed out, Christ did come and will keep coming, again and again. Maybe that message was something I didn't just need to hear. Maybe removing external distractions created space in me where I could experience it.

I am happy to report that about 50% of my hearing has returned as the swelling around my ears is going down. Some days feel like things are going backward, then I remind myself to drink plenty of water, get enough rest and wait. The next day is usually better. Waiting is not always easy, especially when I want to be in control of what is happening. But, it is so much easier to wait alongside a good friend.

I want to leave you with the lyrics of a song that has been in my head recently, Nothing to Fear by Audrey Assad. This is a favorite of mine that we often hear at worship from the Praise Band. (Listen here) 

When you pass through the waters I will be with you
And the depths of the river shall not overwhelm
When you walk through the fire you will not be burned
I am the Lord. I am the Lord

And there is nothing to fear, nothing to fear
There is nothing to fear, nothing to fear
For I am with you always.

In the depths of your sorrow I wept beside you
When you walked through the shadow I drew you near
Yesterday, today, tomorrow - always the same
I am the Lord, I am the Lord

And there is nothing to fear, nothing to fear
There is nothing to fear, nothing to fear
For I am with you always.

What can separate you from My perfect Love?
What can separate you from My perfect Love?
What can separate you from My perfect Love?
Do not fear.
Do not fear.
Do not fear.