We are in the days between the Sunday topics of “Investing In Myself” and “Investing In Others.” Early in the week, I heard the newly released song Returning to Myself by Brandi Carlisle. I’ve spent days writing in an attempt to explain how this song is impacting me - trying to find a deep message to share. Then I erase and start over and erase again. Nothing I attempt to write seems to explain what I’m experiencing or describes what I want to say. 

Then I remembered - that is one of the precious gifts of music. Sometimes a song hits so perfectly that it leaves me speechless even when I feel something shifting within me that I can’t quite explain. Perhaps the invitation in that moment is to simply listen and observe what happens within myself. There is no need to figure it out.

What I can put into words is this:

Taking the inward journey and allowing ourselves to be broken open and exposed is brave. It’s too easy to hide behind the walls I’ve built for myself to hide the parts I’m ashamed of. 

What happens when we allow my dark and tender parts to be held into the light and love of our Beloved God? What happens if I allow them to be held by myself? If I can allow myself to hold my own hidden parts alongside our Compassionate God, then surely I can learn to be fully loved and accepted by others. Surely I can begin to trust this is true.  And in turn, l can then be open and present enough to truly love those around me and help hold their dark and tender parts too.

What if our job, as people of faith, is not to fix or make better or change, but instead

to witness…

to listen…

to hold…

to observe…

to be present (enough) with ourselves and one another…

to allow ourselves to be deeply impacted by both the world and the all encompassing love of God.

Afterall, many of us want to impact the world. Yet to do so, we must also be willing to be impacted by it. 

So I offer this beautiful song to you as we live into this in-between time on the journey together.

Returning to Myself

Performed and Written by Brandi Carlile

Is there some freewheeling watcher
Shooting marbles in the sky?
Holding your years between their fingers
Watching it burn till the fire dies

Why is it heroic to untether?
How is alone some holy grail?
And if we really come and go unknown
Couldn't I find myself in jail?

Oh, keeper how I love you
I love you and you and you
And returning to myself is such a lonely thing to do
But it's the only thing to do

Is it evolving turning inward?
Oh, what an easy way to be
Only kneeling at the altar of
The great and mighty me

Let me break myself apart
Instead and scatter to my birds
Like a burial at sea
To be the gospel without words

Oh, my darlings how I love you
I love you and you and you
And returning to myself is such a lonely thing to do
But it's the only thing to do

There's no honor in the pilgrimage
Until a soul returns
To hold another's hand and then
And only then it learns

That life is like a stone
Only skipping for a time
Oh, it never really holds its own
It'll never see the other side

And I was born to love you
I love you and you and you
Oh, returning to myself is such a lonely thing to do
Returning to myself is just returning me to you

And that's the only thing I wanna do